Heart Broken

I want to move on so bad but I don't want to move on by dating someone else. My heart won't let me hurt someone the same way that he hurt me. How can he not love me after all the love I've shown him, after always being there for him. What kind of cold hearted person could just rip another persons heart to shreads? I just want to move on, I want to be able to hear his voice or see his face without crying and missing the time we shared. This isn't suppose to be my life. Im suppose to marry the father of my child not be alone with my beautiful little girl.

Crushed

At times I can't help but feel like it's my fault that I'm sitting here with a broken heart. Maybe I should've said goodbye when u said those words that haunt me everyday. But I guess it's too late to think about that cuz I'm laying here with tears in my eyes looking at our daughter and seeing you and wondering what I can do to get my man back. It's no secret that I still love you and would do anything to have you love me back. Not having your love is making me question myself. Am I not good enough, am I capable of being loved? I always thought it was easy for a man to love someone like me. Someone who's smart,independent,funny, sweet and such a freak. What is it about me that make men not want to stay?

So much has happened

I know it's been a minute since I've posted something so I'm a update the world on watz going on. The biggest thing is I'm pregnant!!! I found out when I was about 5 weeks n now I'm 7 months preggo. We don't know what we're having yet but I have an appointment for an ultrasound next week May 11, 2011. Oh I know you're wondering who is we well we is a nice/ass hole I met on July 06, 2010. Don't really wanna comment on him cuz he pisses me off so let's get back to the baby, so yeah I'm so excited. Our plan is if we're having a boy we're going to name him John Marshall Ireland Jr. n if it's a girl its going to be Caitlin Essence Ireland (honestly I'm still working on the girl middle name so Essence isn't a definite). Well I'll write again once I know the sex of the baby :)lmbo right now cuz the baby is kicking as I type

Awaken From A Dream

I'm glad I got the chance to know the real you.
I was in a dream but u woke me out of my sleep and when my eyes opened
the true you was revealed
The mask had fell away and in your eyes I could see the rage
Your words spoke things I've never heard before
they weren't the kind sweet words that use to pass your lips
but bitter distasteful ones
your lips no longer seemed liked honey
but as the bees that suck on nectar
Don't know what bought this on
but I'm glad I saw it now before we grew on
I'm not the one for you
My sweet love cannot settle with bitter hatred
I need someone who can mix sweet with my sweet
because bitter does not make my heart beat that beautiful sound
the sound of love, romance and melody
oh, that oh so sweet sound
The dream had to end and I'm glad the shield was taking from my eyes
Now I can see and it's time for me to leave
Dreams can definitely cloud your vision but once you're awaken the clouds are peeled away and reality sets in
and you have no choice but to live where its real
no one can sleep forever.

A 2 Week Dream

I must have been sleep for 2 weeks because just as fast as the happiness came it went.
I thought I found true happiness and love.
I know its kinda weird to say I fell in love so quickly but that's what happened.
I've never felt a love like this or a connection so strong.
I really thought it would last, I could really see our future.
Kids, dogs and unconditional love
Just when the dream was getting good
You woke me up and ended my happiness
Now there's no more sweet phone calls, no sweet kisses and hugs
Just an answering machine with your sweet voice and facebook
oh wait I forgot u deleted me as a friend
Don't really know what went wrong since you haven't given me any answers
just silence.....
I have so many questions that will go unanswered.
What made u end my sweet dream?
What did I do to change your heart?
There's so much more I want to ask but it would be like talking to a screen
No answer.....
What do u do when u lose true love?
Do u ever think I'll slip into a dream like this again?
Will I feel happiness as intense as this?
Guess I'll find out but right now I'm sore

12 pounds smaller

This is me 12 pounds smaller. I have about 17 more pounds to lose. But so far so good..... Trying to get myself back right... Ya feel Me! lol

Continuing the Mission

During my mission I lost 15 lbs. I was going to the gym every other night, eating less. But about 2 months ago I stopped going to the gym and eating a little more. But today I worked out then went walking. I'm trying to get back on track. I've probably gained 3 pounds during that 2 month break. It's kinda hard working on how I eat. But I'm a have to work harder on that. Well this is me 12 pounds smaller..... I was going to show the new me, but photo bucket is currently down so I'll download a pic later.....